Lessons Learned

By now, most if not all of us has read about Karen Klein, the bus monitor bullied by a group of middle school students. Perhaps you’ve seen the video. I, myself, watched about four minutes before I had to stop out of sheer disgust. Not only was I mortified and saddened by the behavior of those kids, but also because not a single one of them defended the woman. The kids either participated, or sat quietly and let it happen, which in my opinion is no different.

When things like this happen, it causes a widespread reaction. Over half of a million dollars has been raised for her. But that’s just one reaction. What it also does, is cause us to look at ourselves, our children and our society. We have questions; we seek answers and hope for solutions.

I too wonder how in the world this could happen. It isn’t simple, and it’s like putting together a gigantic puzzle to figure it all out…and I don’t know if we even have all the pieces. I have some thoughts, and observations I’ve made that have helped me make some sense of all this.

First off, I wonder about what kids are exposed to. Many of us work in virtual worlds involving kids. We see bullying, name calling, insults, etc. Things like this are common online because users have no fear of consequence (beyond being banned from a website). We do try to moderate them as best we can, but we can only do so much. It is simply much easier to hurl insults with a keyboard than it is verbally. Kids and adults are guilty of this. Perhaps some are getting too comfortable in how they speak to others online and it spills over into real life situations. I don’t know but I suppose it is possible. We hear often about cyber bullying in chat rooms and via social media.  Sadly, we also often hear about kids committing suicide or turning to other destructive behaviors as a result of persistent bullying. It saddens us, but what are we doing to prevent it?

I’m sure there are other factors: Parental influence (or lack of), television, movies, video games, peers, music, etc. Many of the jokes directed at this woman were essentially fat jokes. Our society and the media make fat jokes funny and acceptable, so it is understandable why kids don’t see the cruelty behind them. It is true, kids today know a LOT more than many us probably did growing up. I’m sure those of us who deal with children online can share stories of kids using words or describing things that shock us. We deal with it, but it’s still very disturbing at times.

So what can be done? I have a young son, so it is something I think about. We live in such a fast paced, technology driven society that maybe it’s causing us to lose track of the important things and the simple things involving our children.  We live in a small town, but it’s quite diverse. I’ve talked to him about how people are different, whether it’s skin color, religion, sexuality, fat/thin/short/tall, rich or poor. Right now it doesn’t seem to be an issue and I don’t know if it will as he gets older. I want him to learn now that everybody has value in this world regardless of who they are and how they look. Also, it is vitally important children learn to respect authority. Additionally, I hope he is willing to stick up for those who are bullied. It’s not easy, but I can hope and try. All parents should use this as catalyst to discuss with their kids about respect, humanity, and empathy. If there is a silver lining in all this madness, it’s that it causes us to do a lot of soul searching about ourselves and our children.

-Laura Sperber