Friday Protip: Don’t Squash the Love

by Sanya Weathers

Most of us moderator types are far more used to abuse than love. Appreciation from the people we moderate is so rarely expressed that we barely know how to take it.

And it’s our fault.

We respond to people when they are angry and screechy, but when someone says something nice, we’re more likely to ignore it lest people think:

– That we’re arrogant

– That sucking up is necessary to gain beta access/special treatment/validation

– That we only want to hear good things

If we don’t respond, we lock, using the argument that these threads usually turn bad, anyway, with the negative ninnies piling on with accusations of brown nosing and worse.

A a direct result of our own choices of reinforcement, compliments grow even more rare and we become even worse at accepting them.

This won’t be easy (oh, trust me, I know it’s hard), but if you’re a mod, try this. When you get a compliment, just say thank you. Don’t elaborate, don’t explain how one compliment will keep you going for months, just express your appreciation. If someone else starts with the “brown nosing” comments, respond calmly along the lines of “so all negativity is legitimate, but any positivity is not?” And then move on. Don’t feed the beast.

Then, start looking for positive behavior. Reward people who give compliments to each other. Give shout outs to people who are open to changing their minds based on fact. Acknowledge contributions wherever possible, as publicly as possible.

If we want our forums and communities to be more positive, we need to create the space for it, and reinforce the good behavior. Saying “don’t be negative” will always fail because it’s got a negative – “don’t” – built right in.