A Digital Troll’s Fear

The following is a hypothetical diary entry found during a search on the suspects residence by VRPD (virtual reality police department):

Stanley Stipkis (AKA Spammer Man, Captain Troll)
Date: August 4th, 2014
Mood: Defeated, Confused
Listening To: Edward Khil – Trololo, Rick Astley – Never Gonna Give You Up.

I remember the first time I posted a link on Facebook. It was so simple and innocent; so effortless, so undemanding. Who would have known my participation in social media would have grow into something so vicious so rapidly?

First it was just work-from-home spam.  You know, the fine art of repeat sharing bulk messages repetitively (and annoyingly).  Everyone loves chain mail, right?  Then I ventured into posting adult entertainment links cleverly disguised as hot topics and need to know information. It gave me great joy knowing unsuspecting citizens would obliviously click on links only to be redirected to something else.

After a while, I needed more arsenal for my World Wide Web anarchy and chaos. Next up: memes! What could be better than to add an image to my mischievous and snarky punch lines? Sure, they can be sassy and abusive, but at least I’m enjoying them. Getting called a “troll” just makes me want to harass more!  I also decided to entice community click-throughs with dramatic new stories, only to be hyperlinked secretly to something more nefarious.

For so long, this behavior left me on cloud nine… I hit up my favorite Facebook pages and Twitter feeds daily, and over the last year or so I moved to Instagram and YouTube channels, too. I was unstoppable!

But today – today something horrible has happened.  I spent hours yesterday building up a campaign of nefariousness on a particular target’s webpage, and when I went to check the progress of my chaos, I noticed all my posts were gone. How can this be? Even the content created by my legions of spambots are missing.  At first I figured there must have been a user error on my end.  Psssh, as if that could even happen? None-the-less I checked into all of my past villainous actions, and have come back with no results. Something mysterious was occurring here….

I have completed hours and hours of research, and I have finally stumbled upon a company called Metaverse Mod Squad. They provide high-quality moderation services for their clients — many of whom have been my hapless targets. I am absolutely sure it was them. There is no way anyone else could stay on top of things like that and prevent me from exacting my evil deeds of web debauchery.

Could they be my kryptonite?  I’m afraid so, and I am crushed.

—-

David Follo
Project Manager